tspencer227 | May. 24th, 2006

So, as you all can pretty much assume, the situation posed last night really wasn't so hypothetical.

I suspected this was coming, but thought that maybe I was missing something.

To sum up: Looks like Ted will be single again in the near future.

I met Amy for dinner at her place when she got home from work this evening, and I could tell something was bothering her. I asked her about what was wrong, and she replied that,
"I just need some time to myself."

Understandable. She's working 12- 14 hour days and stresses something terrible about her job. I mentioned to her that I thought she'd been a bit distant, if a lot less affectionate the last few days, and she agreed, saying that when she came home from work most evenings she was stressed out and still decompressing from the day. Again, easily understandable. We hit the hot tub after that, just to unwind and because for some reason the hot water has always helped the lines of communication open up for us both on numerous occasions.

We stared at each other from across the hot tub for a few minutes, both very obviously with a lot on our minds, when she finally let out a loud sigh and broke the silence.
"This is wierd."
I nodded my head in agreement.
"Which part?"
I was pretty sure I knew what she meant, but I wanted to be sure.
"Us. You, me, our relationship right now."
Just as I thought. I asked the next logical question.
"Well, what's on your mind about that?"

We spent the next hour talking about everything, she told me how she didn't feel like she was being fair to me to not be really available to do the things we used to do, and how she didn't know if things would change, in terms of her work hours, her moods after work, and her energy level (or lack thereof). I brought up the fact that we were going through an adjustment- after all, I've been gone the last 7 weeks, and she got into a routine while I was away, even more so while I was on deployment, and now that I was back I'd basically thrown a wrench into her program. She agreed that was pretty much what had happened. I asked her if she still wanted to be with me, and she answered that she really didn't know- an honest answer, which is always nice. I can understand that, and told her as much- and also told her that if she needed time to think about it, I'd understand completely and even let her get some time alone to sort out her thoughts. She smiled.
"Teddy, you really are a great guy."

Hmmmm.....that was another hint there in her wording. Ususally the phrase would have been "you really are a great <i>boyfriend</i>." I let it slide- the last thing I needed to do was really complicate things more than they already are, after all. We talked about that as well for a while- I told her that I know I'd come off as a bit selfish a few times, and I was trying to get better about that, and she replied that I was entitled to the way I felt, and admitted that she really hadn't been devoting the kind of time to me that she thought she should be.

I asked her one last question before we got out and headed back to her place.

"Do you love me?"

A sad look came across her face.

"Yes, I do- just as much as when I first fell in love with you...but I don't know if that's enough."

True.

I changed back into my clothes in silence while she finished putting away the dinner dishes, and I came out to let her know I was heading out. I leaned in to kiss her on the cheek on my way past, and she turned her head so her lips met mine. It was like it was our first kiss all over again, and we reluctantly broke away after a few moments. Her eyelids fluttered as she inhaled sharply.

"I love you Teddy....goodnight, and be safe going home."
"I love you too Amy...and I always will. Give me a call when you want to talk, ok? And take your time- you know I'll wait."

I made the walk back out to the rental car, and drove home in silence.