Funny Stuff, and News of the Wierd...

[tspencer227]

So we're pulling a day early- this time tomorrow, I should be at The Tavern or RT's Longboard in PB celebrating the results of the latest selection board for advancements. Call for concrete details. :)

I MADE FIRST!!!!

Should be good for a raise of roughly $900 a month, so needless to say I'll be buying the drinks tomorrow night. Hopefully, everybody will be out there. (hint, hint)

And now for something completely different. This week's Shocker award goes to a girl from Air Department here on the ship. Apparently, while the rest of her department was busy doing flight ops on the roof, she was hiding out in a workspace while somewhere between 20 and 30 of her co-workers came in, some in groups, some one at a time, and fucked her. They figured out what was going on when they did an inspection of the workspace a couple of days ago and found a used condom in the trash can. Talk about smart. As an aside, when one of her friends came up pregnant last week, the Air Boss ordered all of the males in her division to submit to DNA testing, so they could figure out who the baby's daddy was, since even she wasn't sure. So here's the Shocker salute to all of the easy girls in Air Department. There's a reason why I don't touch Navy girls, after all. *rasies the shocker symbol*

And now, here's a funny little thing I stole from cooljewel. I couldn't resist, since this seems so fitting. Paste it in your journal, if you dare. ;)



Repost this in your journal with the ones you are guilty of in BOLD!!

You Know You Drink Too Much When...
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof?
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Hotties.
You have a "happy hour" at home
When you are sober, people ask you what's wrong?
You spend all night making a board game called Alcohol Land
Although you drove home the other night you can't remember how you got home or where you parked your car
"Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol."
Your favorite drink is ethanol.
"Why does everybody think I have a drinking droblem?! - I don't have a drinking droblem!"
"I don't have a drinking prob..pleb..prub.. *hic* Pash me another, tarbender."
You can spend a whole night holding up walls to prevent their (your) collapse.
You instinctively know where the alcohol is in a store you've never been in before
Clubs raise their drink prices because you haven't attended in a while
You think beer and ramen make a good breakfast
You frequently urinate outdoors.
When you first wake up and you're afraid you're gonna die and a half-hour later you're afraid you won't.
You fall asleep taking a dump.
You believe that spilling a beer is alcohol abuse.
You go to the john to hurl, but you take your beer with you.
You find it's easier to study drunk.
You're on a first name basis at the detoxification center.
Beer ads make sense.
You wake up to the sound of your dog drinking out of the toilet and you're so dry that it sounds mighty thirst quenching.
You wake the next morning and start drinking a few of the half empties left sitting around the room.
The space on your driver's license that tells your eye color reads "bloodshot".
You fall down a flight of steps and DON'T spill a drop of your beer.
You mix your cocktails by the litre.
You grow a beard because it stops beer that's running down your chin.
You put off urinating in hopes of reaching that near orgasmic Zen-like piss.
When the bottle says 20 standard drinks but you only get 5.
You spell Alcohol with a capital letter out of respect.
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.(Do fights count?)
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusettes.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
"Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
You can focus better with one eye closed
You fall off the floor.
You discover in the morning that liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
The glass keeps missing your mouth.
Vampires get woozy after biting you.
At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more and more attractive.
If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
"Take me drunk, I'm home!"
You wake up naked lying in the corner of a bus depot.
You drink to get over a hangover.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who drink too much.

See yall tomorrow. Goodnight!!

Comments

[redeemed-143.livejournal.com]

I can't wait to talk to you. And have fun with those drinks. I envy you here, man.

[cynicalqueen.livejournal.com]

Ted,I want to party! School's out.


I'll call ya :)

[southernbliss.livejournal.com]

How did they figure out what was going on? Was it the way she walked the next day? Damn.

[tspencer227.livejournal.com]

Funny story, really. They were doing an inspection of one of Air Department's spaces and found a used condom in the trash. The higher- ups started asking questions and dropping hints, until they finally got somebody to crack, and he came forward and sang like a canary, ratting out everybody else. Or at least, that's what I heard from a friend of mine who knows a guy. ;)

[jpage.livejournal.com]

*I think the funniest one on that list was:

You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.

I have a tendency to wake up with no bra on and then the search begins! hahaha

[savannahbrock.livejournal.com]

Ted-
what ship are you on? I have a friend who's enlisted and in San Diego...

-Brock

[tspencer227.livejournal.com]

I'm on the USS Ronald Reagan, based out of North Island NAS. Have him email me, or call me sometime at (757)344-4148.