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Why does it seem like every time I think I've found a good one, something seems to happen. I drove up to New Jersey Valentine's Day weekend to spend the weekend with Suzie, and we had a wonderful time together- we saw a bit of New York City, and she showed me around town, and we spent a lot of time in the hotel room I'd rented, just lying in bed talking about everything, as well as other things I won't go into detail about here. Over lunch on Sunday, I finally asked her what had been on my mind most of my time up there.
"Suzie, what exactly are we, and where is this going? You know I really like you a LOT, and I'd like to think there's more there than just sex."
She giggled and smiled, then nodded.
"You know I like you too, but you know how scared I am of commitment, so much that it makes me cry.... and I really am glad you think of me as more than sex, but that whole San Diego thing has me a little bit scared, so I don't think either one of us is ready for a relationship just yet."
I couldn't help but agree, but I told her that even though that might be the case, there was nobody else....and she agreed that it was the same in her case. As she put it,
"I don't want to be with anybody else."
I had to come back to Virginia on Monday, but since then we've both been extremely busy and haven't had a chance to really talk- I've been busy as hell getting my workcenter in order, and she's had midterms to get ready for. (ever the college student) Still, on the few occasions that we have talked, it always seems like she's been.....distracted, like something else has been on her mind, or there' something she wants to say but can't, or won't.....I don't know, but it's been making me worry a little bit, hoping everything's been ok with her.
This past weekend, or course, I spent the vast majority of in my car, driving down to NC then back up to Virginia so Kevin could get his car. We left Friday, but were back by Saturday evening. I tried calling her room, and her friend's cell, but nobody was answering....I just wanted to say hi, but catching her to do that's been hard as hell.
Then today, after I got off duty, I happened to be reading over friends LJ entries from the last two days, and saw she'd posted about her weekend- in Virginia Beach, going to a kegger, and "getting ass". Which she never even told me about....I've tried calling a few times, but can't get a hold of her, so I don't know what to think.
Ugh.....should I be feeling guilty, or am I reading too much into things here?
"Suzie, what exactly are we, and where is this going? You know I really like you a LOT, and I'd like to think there's more there than just sex."
She giggled and smiled, then nodded.
"You know I like you too, but you know how scared I am of commitment, so much that it makes me cry.... and I really am glad you think of me as more than sex, but that whole San Diego thing has me a little bit scared, so I don't think either one of us is ready for a relationship just yet."
I couldn't help but agree, but I told her that even though that might be the case, there was nobody else....and she agreed that it was the same in her case. As she put it,
"I don't want to be with anybody else."
I had to come back to Virginia on Monday, but since then we've both been extremely busy and haven't had a chance to really talk- I've been busy as hell getting my workcenter in order, and she's had midterms to get ready for. (ever the college student) Still, on the few occasions that we have talked, it always seems like she's been.....distracted, like something else has been on her mind, or there' something she wants to say but can't, or won't.....I don't know, but it's been making me worry a little bit, hoping everything's been ok with her.
This past weekend, or course, I spent the vast majority of in my car, driving down to NC then back up to Virginia so Kevin could get his car. We left Friday, but were back by Saturday evening. I tried calling her room, and her friend's cell, but nobody was answering....I just wanted to say hi, but catching her to do that's been hard as hell.
Then today, after I got off duty, I happened to be reading over friends LJ entries from the last two days, and saw she'd posted about her weekend- in Virginia Beach, going to a kegger, and "getting ass". Which she never even told me about....I've tried calling a few times, but can't get a hold of her, so I don't know what to think.
Ugh.....should I be feeling guilty, or am I reading too much into things here?
